My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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