1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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