So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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