Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
