so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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