I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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