So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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