And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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