Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
