that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Terrible idea I love it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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