Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
