if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
