I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
