Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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