relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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