I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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