He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
