I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
