We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize