I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
