my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize