she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize