Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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