I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
