Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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