he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
