Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You smell like stripper and shame
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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