just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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