I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
