I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
