Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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