My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
