so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
