I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
