How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
