She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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