I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
