I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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