It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
