He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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