you turned your livingroom into a bong?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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