I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
