Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
