The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
