this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im holly from the hills drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm always down for nudity.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
