I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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