I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
