I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
