Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
