I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
