hotel room ftw
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
