I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
