I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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