def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
