i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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