What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
