I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize