I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
