you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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