At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
