I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
