I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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