"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
