You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
