i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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