Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
