Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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