Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
